| - Angel Sorry I havent been around here in a while. So I'm gonna write my true feelings today, no matter who reads this.
It seems like nothing is right anymore. My life is filled with sleepless nights and daydreams of what used to be. It's just that i can't sleep well anymore. I have soo much on my mind. I have so many thoughts and wishes of things i could of and should of done differently in the past. Danielle came in a little while back and i thought everything would be kool, but that is what started everything. She has always been in the back of my mind since we broke up but that wasnt a big deal, everytime i'd think about her i'd just brush it off for something else. But ever since that night, my life has changed. She came in with her new boyfriend, a nice guy, sweet, charming, everything i wasnt. And I thought it would be cool because me and danielle have talked and we were kool with bein friends. but i guess not. Seeing them next to her Grandmother's Pontiac Cruiser Playing around, play fighting and goofing off, that was what me and her used to do. It's not right. I drove me insane, my mind has been consumed in this. Seeing them kiss, that should of been me. Seeing them do everything me and her used to do in the past... why me? They stayed out in the parking lot of i-hop for almost an hour. I know because i got sat 5 times and i could do nothing about my tables because i was distracted, STARING, dead at them. My manager almost fired me because i was worthless, consumed in old memories, why do they have to be old? Thoughts of the past, the past... what did i do wrong.... oh wait now i know... i did everything wrong and i miss her with all my heart. Yes it has been a long semester filled with stress and thoughts but they all seem to catch up with me at once, everytime i think i'm doing something good for myself, it is thrown in my face with thoughts of her. of the past. I never knew I would miss her this much, miss having her beside me, my companion and friend, the one person i could talk to about everything.
Since this may be my last post for a long while here is a little more
I remember one night in particular, the night that i can't get off my mind. Me and Danielle were at Old Fort park and sitting on the swings, it was dark and the moon was out and bright. Stars were lit and everything was beautiful. We were just talking, content with being in eachothers presence. She told me stories of her grandfather who passed a little while back. How she used to smash his sandwiches before he would go to work, ya it was really cute. And how til this day she still smashes hers and didnt realize why she did it. I know this story makes little since to anyone else but it makes my heart ache. I dont have any grandfathers and the thought of how close she was to hers, I loved it. I made me miss mine. The fact that she had tears in her eyes everytime she thought of him, I loved it. She told me things from her heart that not many others know or things others would take lightly, well i didnt. I took those things to heart and I'll keep them with me forever.
Danielle I know you will read this eventually so i want you to know one thing, when u thought i wasnt listening. I was. When you thought i didnt care, I did.. And when you saw me down you brought me back up, but with out you here, it's hard to stand back up anymore. With all of these thoughts probing my mind at all hours of the day and night, i cant sleep I dont wanna eat, and I can't think of anything else. Worthless? maybe i am... or atleast I am now.
well i really needed to say this no matter who it offends or affects, no matter who reads it just remember dont throw a good thing away because it can be life altering, as is my experience.
Thanks to everyone who reads this.
Christopher Adam Irizarry |
